HUMOR
Se sistema operacional fosse companhia aérea
Myday! Myday! Esta aterrissou em nosso arquivo de e-mails em 27/11/1997, procedente da máquina do Paulo Mauá, da
empresa santista Enterdata Informática, e após uma escala de 24 horas no hangar do Fernando Sávio, da escola Microgroup:
"Assunto: tag da semana
Eu não perdi a cabeça... Deve
haver um backup em algum lugar
Assunto: Se Sistema Operacional fosse Companhia Aérea !
DOS Airlines: Todo mundo empurra o avião até ele decolar. Daí, pulam e o deixam
planar até tocar o chão outra vez. Então empurram de novo, pulam de novo e assim por diante...
Mac Airlines: Todos os comissários, capitães, carregadores e balconistas parecem os
mesmos, agem da mesma forma e dizem a mesma coisa. Cada vez que você pergunta sobre detalhes, dizem que você não precisa saber, não
deseja saber e tudo será feito sem que você precise saber, portanto, cale a boca.
OS/2 Airlines: Para entrar no avião, sua passagem deve ser carimbada dez vezes em dez
filas diferentes. Então você deve preencher um formulário dizendo onde quer sentar, e se deseja que a viagem se pareça com um
onibus, um transatlântico ou um trem. Se você conseguir subir a bordo e o avião conseguir decolar, a viagem será maravilhosa...
exceto quando as asas e os flaps congelarem e, neste caso, você terá tempo suficiente para dizer suas preces e se preparar antes da
queda.
Unix Airlines: Todos levam consigo uma peça do avião ao se dirigirem ao aeroporto.
Então vão à pista e montam o avião peça por peça, perguntando sempre que tipo de avião estao construindo.
Windows Airlines: O terminal do aeroporto é agradavel e colorido, com comissários e
aeromoças amigáveis, fácil acesso ao avião e uma decolagem sossegada... Aí, o avião explode sem qualquer aviso.
Windows NT Airlines: Todos marcham juntos na pista, dizem a senha em uníssono e
formam o perfil de um avião. Então sentam e fazem ruídos de motores como se estivessem voando.
Windows 98 Airlines: O Capitão vem anunciando planos de embarque há cerca de um ano
e, assim que tudo estiver pronto, voce será avisado para onde irá. Enquanto isto, pode aguardar na janela, junto com repórteres de
todas as revistas especializadas em informática do mundo.
Assunto: Maluquice
Voce tem certeza que o computador te deixou maluco, quando tenta matar com a setinha do mouse o
pernilongo que pousou em seu monitor...
--
__ __ _
___ _
| \/ | __ _ _ __ ___(_) ___ / _ \ __| | __ _
| |\/| |/ _` | '__/ __| |/ _ \ | | | |/ _` |/ _` |
| | | | (_| | | | (__| | (_) | | |_| | (_| | (_| |
|_| |_|\__,_|_| \___|_|\___/ \___/ \__,_|\__,_|
Este original inglês está disponível em
página Web da Universidade do Texas:
If operating systems were airlines...
+ I'M LOUIS, FLY ME...I'M BILL: FLY ME OR
ELSE
DOS Air: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of
the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off
when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again,
push it back into the air, hop on, et cetera.
Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look
the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions
about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't
need to know and would you please return to your seat and watch the
movie.
Windows Airlines: The terminal is very neat and clean, the
attendants all very attractive, the pilots very capable. The
fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet
takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at
20,000 feet it explodes without warning.
OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty, with only a few
prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that their
flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though there
are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around,
apologising profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from
time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the
field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be
on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows
Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for
the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until
mid-1995. Maybe longer.
Fly Windows NT: All the passengers carry their seats out onto the
tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit
down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are
flying.
Unix Express: all passenger bring a piece of the aeroplane and a
box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac,
arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build
and how to put it together. Eventually, the passengers split into
groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all
the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations.
All passengers believe they got there.
Wings of OS/400: The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably
the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747" on
their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight
attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the
drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless
you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and
membership in the frequent flyer club. Then they cost $500, but
your accounting department can call it overhead.
MVS Air Lines: The passengers all gather in the hangar, watching
hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense,
luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over
1,000 passengers; bigger models in the fleet can have more
engines than anyone can count and fly even more passengers than
there are on Earth. It is claimed to cost less per passenger
mile to operate these humungous planes than any other aircraft
ever built, unless you personally have to pay for the ticket.
All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the 200 technicians
needed to keep it from crashing. The pilot takes his place up in
the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the
plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.
- Tim Prickett
Copyright (C) 1994 Technology Corp of America Co Inc. |